Okay… so I took a nap this evening. I crawled into bed at 4:34 p.m. I was just hoping for an hour or two of relaxation, but when I opened my eyes it was 10:41 p.m.!

“Shit!” I thought. “The McDonald’s closes at 11! If I want to get something to eat there I gotta run down now.”

So, I hopped into my outside clothes and ran to the McDonald’s. I had it in my mind to get a Big Mac, you know, something kind of substantial. I was pretty hungry after all that sleep and didn’t feel like cleaning the kitchen to cook something.

So, I get to the McDonald’s at about 10:48. I reach for the door and I hear a deep, young voice yell “hey”.

I ignore it and start to open the door and I hear it again. “Hey YOU! This place is closed.”

I look and see a kid, probably 17 years old, sprawled out on one of the lawn chairs they have.  He’s wearing one of those stupid white polyester Adidas shirts, a white baseball hat and gold chains. In England, I think, you’d call him a “chav”.

“I work here. We’re closed,” he booms.

“You’re kind of rude for someone who is on the job,” I say in that tone adults use when talking to wayward children.

I assume, however, he tells the truth as I longlingly gaze at the fryer.

“It’s not 11, you guys can’t be closed.” He blathers at me about something or another. I ignore him and walk away, kinda bummed out that I have to cook.

Before walking away I turn to him and say “you are a very rude, you know.”

“Oh, fuck you!” he says.

At this point I’m in what my brother would call an “escalated” sate. “Excuse me! You work here and you’d tell a customer to fuck off?” I boom. “I”m going straight to your god damn manager.”

I march into the store and notice that it is not, in fact, closed.

“Can I help you?” the kid at the counter asks. “Uh… yeah, uhm I’ll have a double cheeseburger,” I say. I want a Big Mac but in my anger I forgot this. After my order goes through I ask for a manager. “One of your staff people just told me to fuck off!” I said.

Suddenly, this kid comes back and apologizes for swearing at me. “I thought they were closed, but it is not 11 yet.”

At this point I’m about ready to bury the hatchet, but then the manager appears. I tell him what transpired and he was like.

“Yeah, sorry about that but I assure you that that guy is not an employee here.”

So, I take my burger and come home.