I was at the Dairy Queen with my friend Kim who pointed out this poster to me:

My first thought was “How the fuck does one locate a lost bird?” and I was reminded of an incident with a friend who’s bird decided to fly out the window. In response she initiated a hunt where she went scouring around the area calling out for the bird in the hopes that it’d fly back home… to its cage. It was a bitter-sweet moment.

BIRDS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN A FUCKING CAGE! They can fly, putting birds in a cage is like making one of those American NASCAR drivers take the bus.

Kim read the description aloud “He’s overweight, doesn’t fly well and doesn’t trust people. No wonder he flew away!” she then squinted her eyes in disbelief at the last description “Of course he’s going to look like these pictures. What else would he look like, a golden retriever?”

If I wasn’t staring at this poster in utter disbelief it would have been one of the biggest laughs I’ve had in a long long time.

If you ask me birds are fucking creepy pets. not only do they annoy the hell out of me with their god damn tweeting and fluttering I just don’t get what they give you besides newspapers full of shit and nasty repetition of fucked up things you say during the day.

Jan obviously loves her bird but I guess she won’t be without his voice since it appears she has had him sing into a microphone. Perhaps she can take the recordings and put it some background music and release a charity single to raise funds for the search and rescue of lost birds.