Writer’s fear

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Someone, I forget who, once told me “do the opposite of what the fear tells you.” I’m not usually one for sayings, but that one really carried weight with me and I had it taped above my monitor for years.

We all have these wonderful dreams, ideas and so forth. The only thing that really keeps us from going for it is fear.

A couple of months ago an editor at publication that I have extremely high respect for asked me to write an article for him about the foster care rights movement. I really “clicked” with this editor. Him and and I were on the exact same wavelength about things. Suffice to say, I’ve admired his work from afar for years, and the idea that he would be impressed with my own idea and ask me to write an extensive feature about it is a huge honour.

I should mention that I got his opportunity in the midst of one of the most challenging weeks of my life. My whole identity as a journalist (and a whole person) was in serious turmoil. Only an encounter like that could have saved me from all those morbid septic thoughts.

I am inspired as all hell about this article. I went out and interviewed so many incredible people and have a book full of what I consider to be “dream quotes”. It’s shaping out to be what I consider the best article of my career.

I got all the quotes, background information and ideas that I need.

I open up a blank Word file and stare at the space where the article will go.

The last few months have been extraordinarily challenging. I know the worst of it is behind me, but I’m still really hurting from it all. I haven’t fully processed all that’s happened.

This new article will hopefully push my life in a new direction. I’ll be moving on to bigger, better things. I’ve got a lot of shit on my mind and that’s weighing me down.

It’s a weariness of the soul. After you take so many kicks you get really drained and burnt out.

I am a resident of Burnaby, British Columbia, Canada who has blogged here for 20 years. I like to share my thoughts and feelings on my own online space. From 1998 until 2017 I worked as a journalist and I hope to use this website as an archive for all of my stories.

2 Comments

  1. remember this quote: “shaping out to be the best article of my career” i think it’s inspiring.

  2. I get this fear with most articles. It often begins when I realise I have to pick up the phone and call people for comment. I don’t like that initial phone call. Hrrrum.

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